My mother had a phrase for me. She would say it with a sigh, sometimes with a smile, and occasionally with the particular Irish tone mothers reserve for a child who has just created an imaginary new game from a wooden stick: “Michael, you are such a fidget.”
She was right. I was always on the move. Moving towards the next thing as soon as the last one was finished. Always wanting to know how something worked. To know what the word “omnipresent” meant at six years of age, or to try something no one had asked me to try. If there was a new path, I wanted to walk it. If there was no path, I created one. If there was a better way, I wanted to find and explore it.
The fidget grew up, but never really sat down. Today we have kinder words for him. We might call him an entrepreneur, or a creative, or say he is wired a certain way. Some would hand him a personality type and a number. But none of those labels quite touch the thing itself: a restlessness that keeps compelling us forward, a desire to make something better, to change it, to discover it, even when some quiet part of us already knows we will never quite arrive.
I have come to believe that restlessness is not a flaw to be managed. It may be one of the ways God has been calling us all along.
The Restless Heart
Sixteen centuries ago, Augustine began his Confessions with a sentence that has outlived empires: Our heart is restless until it rests in you.
We usually hear that line as a criticism of restlessness, as if the goal of the spiritual life were to finally stop squirming. But read it again. Augustine is not condemning the restless heart. He is explaining it. The restlessness is a homing instinct. It is the heart’s way of knowing it was made for something larger than anything it has found so far.
The writer Ronald Rolheiser makes a similar point. Every one of us, he says, carries a fire inside: an unquenchable longing, an energy that will not let us settle. Spirituality is not about putting that fire out. It is about what we do with it.
I used to think of the fidget in me as the opposite of the Holy Longing, the inward pull that draws us toward God. One moves outward, the other inward. One builds and tinkers and explores; the other waits in silence. But I no longer think they are opposites. I think they are the same desire, facing in different directions. The question is not whether we are restless. The question is which way our restlessness is pointing.
The Noonday Demon
The desert fathers knew the shadow side of the fidget well. Evagrius, a fourth-century monk, wrote about a temptation he called acedia, the noonday demon. It came in the heat of the day, when the monk sat in his cell. Suddenly the hours seemed endless. He would get up, look out the window, check the sun, wonder whether the brothers in some other monastery had it better. Anything to avoid staying where he was.
That is the fidget as flight. The motion looks like energy, but it is really escape: from silence, from ourselves, from whatever might be waiting for us if we stopped long enough to meet it.
There is a modern version too, and it often looks virtuous. A comedian once built a whole career on the phrase “Git ‘er done.” Most of us have a little of that inside. Call it the robot within: the part of us that keeps producing, fixing, improving, and checking things off, not because love is drawing us but because stopping feels dangerous. The robot can do a great deal of good work. It can even do holy work. It just cannot rest.
I will confess that I know this robot. I have spent part of my life helping people find their way to stillness, leading retreats, teaching prayer, creating space for others to encounter the divine within. And more than once I have caught myself so busy making room for other people’s silence that I left none for my own.
Straining Forward
And yet the tradition does not tell the fidget to stop. It tells him where to go.
St. Paul wrote to the Philippians that he had not yet arrived, but that he was straining forward to what lies ahead. Gregory of Nyssa took that image and built a whole spirituality from it. He called it epektasis: the soul’s endless stretching toward God. Because God is infinite, Gregory said, we never reach the end of God. We never arrive, sit down, and declare ourselves finished. Each discovery opens onto a larger one. The more we find, the more we long for. Perfection is not standing still. It is never ceasing to grow.
That is the fidget made holy. Not the restlessness that flees, but the restlessness that explores. Not the robot, but the pilgrim.
The old Celtic monks had their own version. Some of them set out to sea in small boats called coracles, sometimes without oars, letting the wind carry them wherever God intended. They called it peregrinatio, wandering for the love of God. They were not running away from anything. They were moving toward a place they had not yet seen, trusting that the movement itself was a kind of prayer.
Which Way Is It Pointing?
Looking back on my own life, I can see the fidget at every turn. I spent years in the world of technology, starting a company and mapping how work moves from one hand to another. Then the same restless mind turned toward ministry, toward theology, toward prayer. And somewhere along the way, the fidget became a teacher of centering prayer, the stillest practice I know.
I do not think that was an accident. We often teach what we most need to learn.
What I have learned is that the fidget does not need to be cured. It needs to be noticed. When I feel that familiar urge to move, to start, to improve, to fix, I have begun asking a few simple questions:
- Am I moving toward something, or away from something?
- Is this motion leaving room for me to be surprised?
- If I stopped for an hour, what am I afraid I would meet?
- Is this restlessness feeding others, or only feeding the robot?
None of those questions require us to stop moving. They only ask us to move with our eyes open. That, I think, is what sacred noticing has always been for people like me. It does not ask the fidget to sit perfectly still. It asks him to keep walking, but to walk awake.
Let Us Begin Again
Near the end of his life, worn out and nearly blind, St. Francis turned to his brothers and said, Let us begin, brothers, for up to now we have done little or nothing.
This was the man who had rebuilt churches with his own hands, walked across battle lines to meet a sultan, and gathered thousands of followers. And at the end, he wanted to start over. That is not the voice of a man who failed to rest. It is the voice of a man whose restlessness had finally become love. Beginner’s mind, all the way to the last breath.
So if you have spent your life being told to sit still, settle down, and finish what you started, take heart. Your fidget may be the Holy Longing itself, still looking for home. The work is not to stop it, but to turn it toward God.
The Church has always understood this, which may be why it gave its fidgeters something to do with their hands: rosary beads, prayer ropes, a labyrinth to walk, a road to make pilgrimage on. This week, try a fidget prayer. Take a walk without a destination, or hold a set of beads, or simply let your hands move while your heart settles. Let the body fidget so the soul can rest.
My mother was right. I am such a fidget. I am beginning to think God made me that way on purpose.
Where is your restlessness carrying you right now—toward something, or away from something?
What might change if, for a while, you don’t demand that it stop, but you ask what it’s trying to point to?
Reflection Copyright 2026 by Michael J. Cunningham OFS
Carrying something else today? Take a Spiritual Break made for this moment →