Regrets follow me around like dirty dishes,

milestones, weighing me down,

reminders of decisions separated from virtue.

 

But they are not just that,

regrets mark where God breathed life in my conscience,

illuminating my soul and warming my heart,

not just to room temperature, but afire with love.

 

I regret my regrets, but they brought me home.

A home full of love and compassion,

where I now live in greater understanding.

 

Make all my regrets yesterdays, not today or tomorrow.

 

Book of Isiah

But Zion said, “The LORD has forsaken me;
my Lord has forgotten me.”
Can a mother forget her infant,
be without tenderness for the child of her womb?
Even should she forget,
I will never forget you.

 

The words come out and drift over me.

As if some fog of misunderstanding I need to pass through,

continuing my journey into oblivion.

But what if I heard it again?

 

If I repeat those words again to myself,

in my own deafness there is suddenly light.

Brakes have been applied and the notice to notice appears clearly.

I have heard and I have listened.

 

The heart has listened and relegated the ears to their peripheral role in my life.

An interpreter of sounds to reach my soul.

 

I was once terrified,

scared of heights and falling into an endless abyss.

Even the ride up the mountain grew fear inside me,

until eventually, I stood over the slope

aptly called Angel Street,

as friends shouted cries of delight

heading towards the icy steeps that lay below.

 

Poles waved and edges screeched

a non-slow motion movie with all the sound effects

of a skier concentrating,

on that edge of fear and excitement,

where fear has lost to courage.

 

Meanwhile, I remain transfixed watching them go.

 

Until at last it was me,

just me alone.

The last skier disappeared from view

now invisible to me, as the wind blast on my face gave me one more reason to worry.

Only one way down now.

I went.

 

Suddenly, I found myself, leaning out,

embracing the steepness of the slope,

ice and all, with the rhythm of a dancer.

My skis were full of traction as if mesmerized,

not just controlling my speed, but bouncing with merriment as if alive.

 

My spirit was lifted, as I realized I was not alone out here in nature,

making an icy slope something of beauty

to be enjoyed, savored and enveloped.

Do I now have a new strength, confidence, skill?

No, rather, God is with me, and that is all.

 

Making me not just use my learnings, but be at one with them … and Him.