The devil’s pulse is the heartbeat of happiness;

Or what you think it might be.

A moment of pleasure that doesn’t’ dissolve instantly;

But leaves wanting for a moment lasting for another,

Moment.

 

Pretty soon I am addicted to moment pills,

Living in future meaningless moments

which destroy,

or never arrive.

Driven by a passion to satisfy needs

which can never be satisfied.

All the time separating me from God.

 

It is a great disguise,

Happiness seems like a nice coat to put on,

everyone wants one;

“So try this one, first one is free”

leading to somewhere

To regret immensely.

 

Put out those old fires you thought were happiness

Lives that you might have lived,

lives that you still could live, if only,

I did this, met this person,

an imaginary life of happiness.

Like some J. D. Salinger,

living my fantasy though books,

only worse.

Really living it.

Hurting many along the way.

 

Listening to the pulse, the primeval sound of future happiness,

The pounding of desire,

couldhavebeen,

shouldhavebeen,

stillmighthavebeen,

those vinyl records still playing,

memories, scratches and all.

Erase all for the present,

lead a life authentically,

In the present, now,

With the gifts I have, and those most precious given to me.

So I may have peace and joy,

Not the happiness of the moment.

 

“Day pours out the word to day,
and night to night imparts knowledge.”

Psalm 19