listening to the SHE within 

Listening to the she within. I wonder what that means? As soon as anything comes into play with a gender associated with it, it comes in for controversy. Scripture tells us, Male and Female he made them, and made them in his image. So, we are equal in God’s eyes, but of course, we are different. 

As we are coached in life to be successful, happy, and dominant of our own domains, however small or large or small; we are influenced by gender-specific metaphors and characteristics. 

I recently happened to watch the Hollywood movie, Barbie, which depending on your perspective can be viewed as a great comedy, or a little over the top from the gender expectation perspective. Without recommending that you might want to watch this or not, Barbie does represent society’s (particularly US society) male view of an ideal woman at some point in history. Unrealistic, yes. Striven for? Yes, to a certain extent. However, this external experience of the long-legged beauty façade is NOT the topic of this reflection. Rather what lies beneath. The way a female might think and act, or at least some expectation of what that might entail. 

Men, at least until we have more recently become gender-neutral in our thinking, have always been driven towards a single leadership role. We are taught to Win, Compete, Train, Negotiate, and above all, not to be a loser. The skills and values of empathy, compassion, and unconditional love are sometimes at odds with these. These other values and gifts are “supposed” to be the gifts that are given naturally to the maternal skills of the mother. The other. The other gender. The woman. 

However, we know by experience, that these traits are not mutually exclusive, and yet, men in particular, see some open expression of these gifts as weakness. This is because we are not willing to open ourselves to the “she” within. Even the most macho-style male will often be willing to hug their mother, their wife.

So, perhaps, the male in us, the dominant alpha dog within, needs to listen to the she that also lies there. Not on the doorstep of our mind, but deep within our hearts. The place where we are called to love our neighbors, even our enemies, by God. 

Taking some time to examine the she within, tells us of how we can be in the world, of how much change is effective simply by saying Yes. (Mary, Mother of God, Saint Theresa of Calcutta, Perpetua, Julian of Norwich … a very long list.) 

The word yes is not an elixir to all problems but should express a willingness to listen and be open with each other. At this time of year, Advent, we can feel this special belonging, the way we want to be with each other. So, time to cut ourselves some gender slack and let the love flow a little more freely. Just a thought … 

Can I call you back? 

Listening to the SHE within, for Christmas

There she sits

Somewhere quiet but never silent

Issuing commands without speaking a word

Seemingly never from the head

But always from below 

From the heart

For the female it is easier it seems

They do see love or sacrifice as weakness 

But as how it is, and should be.

An immortal pulse within informing us of our oneness and purpose,

If only we would notice.

From our hearts

They often do not discern this role

It is programmed in the DNA 

Reinforced by the male wanting …. to lead

Or appear to do so

Within their hearts

But what if it was not one or the other

And this goodness could come from both?

Even from a God dubbed male in our world,

And goodness spoke with a single voice

A both/and heart

Where the head, heart and worldly needs

Always walked the same road

Carrying the food for the needy

The medicine for the sick

With a happy heart

With a single heart

With an undivided heart

This would be Christmas indeed

Photograph, reflection and poem Copyright 2023 Michael J. Cunningham